Stealing Our Thunder
by Evil Mina
Summary: Agrias and Meliadoul are fed up with Orlandu's cheapness, and with the fact that he's ripped off all of their abilities. So to make sure that they don't get booted out of the party, they confront the Thundergod alone for a...friendly conversation.


Disclaimer: Obviously, if I owned Squaresoft, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, and if I were, it would be in Japanese, so is this even necessary?

Oh yeah, and the story is very…dialogue-heavy, as I tend to get a bit carried away at times. I know, everyone in this fic is almost completely OOC, and the dialogue is too modern for a game with a medieval setting. And...some of the jokes are a little corny, so bear with me.

* * *

**Stealing Our Thunder**

It was evening, and after a long hard day of fighting, Ramza and his army gathered around their small campfire and feasted on a warm meal of roasted chocobo (Boco had proved to be very useless lately). Nearly everyone was in high spirits. Timothy the bard had had a bit too much to drink, and was singing Cheer Song off-key, missing every target. Chris was in a hyper mood, running around and accumulating for job points so that she could learn Abandon. Dorothy the wizard said nothing to anyone, as usual. She was muttering something under her breath and kept on giving Beowulf, who suddenly felt an odd burning sensation, shifty looks from underneath her oversized hat. Laura the mediator was annoying everyone with her talk skills.

"You know, the miracle of Saint Ajora was that-"  
"We know," muttered Harry. "Now stop your preaching and shut up."  
"But you know, if you have faith, a spot is reserved for you in the highest pinnacles of heaven-"  
"I said _I know_," scowled Harry, looking like he wanted to stab her with his spear.  
"But," persisted Laura, "if you trust in God…forget it, why couldn't you be a Libra?"  
"Yeowch!" yelled Beowulf, jumping up in the air and running around in circles. "Help, I'm on fire!"  
"Heh heh heh," snickered Dorothy to herself, a glint of malice in her eyes, as she grabbed Beowulf's last chocobo wing.

Nearly everyone enjoyed their meal. However, Cidolfas Orlandu wasn't hungry. The others were so busy stuffing their faces that they didn't notice him slip away from the party. He walked on, searching for a peaceful spot to rest. Finally, he saw a small hill overlooking a valley. He sat down on top and leaned against a tree as he watched the beautiful red sunset. The scene was marred only by storm clouds that were gathering on the horizon.

_Ah, peace and quiet at last,_ he thought to himself. More and more, he regretted leaving Goltana's army to join that bunch of clowns. If he hadn't been such a good friend of Balbanes, and if those kids hadn't been so helpless without him, and if he hadn't been framed for murder... The legendary Thunder God took out his Excalibur and began to polish it. That always took his mind off whatever was bothering him.

Suddenly, he felt a hand clamp down on his shoulder. Always on guard, he instinctively raised his sword as he turned around. Then he relaxed. It was just Agrias, with Meliadoul.

"Orlandu," said Agrias, with an odd expression on her face. "Can we talk to you for a second?"

"Oh, uh, okay." He was a little surprised, as Agrias and Meliadoul rarely said anything to him outside of battles. Now Meliadoul spoke.

"Yes, this is very important. Oh yes, we have _issues_ we need to discuss with you." She smiled cruelly. Orlandu felt a little uncomfortable. Her eyes had a very...hungry look in them.

"Um, what sort of 'issues'?" asked Orlandu, and he stood up and began to back away uneasily. But Agrias moved behind him, blocking his way. She forced a laugh.

"Oh, ha ha, don't worry, it's nothing major, but…do you remember that last battle we had in Igros Castle? You know, against Dycedarg's Elder Brother?"

"Oh, of course! I had so much fun Lightning-Stabbing that crazy Zodiac goat's ass…"

"Well," broke in Agrias. "That's the thing. We don't."

"Huh?"

"Oh, yes, that's right! Play innocent," snarled Meliadoul, only to realize that she had raised her voice. She struggled to control herself. "You see, neither of us was put in the last battle. It was only you, Ramza, two pathetic generics, and a red chocobo."

"And I'm…ha ha…_always_…in the party," said Agrias, in a strained voice. "I mean, Ramza _always_ chooses me! He can't forget about me… I mean, I'm his…best…ha ha ha…fighter…I'm…the strongest…right?" She looked like she was hyperventilating.

"So?" asked Orlandu. "What's wrong with that? I mean, it's not like everyone can fight at the same time. And I'm sorry you girls couldn't join in, but I wasn't the one who set the party. That Beoulve boy did."

"Oh, really?" yelled Agrias. "Didn't you notice that I came first? That before you were here, I was the most awesome special character? Oh those were the days, when Ramza couldn't win a fight without my Holy Sword. I remember it all, those crazy fights with Gafgarion, Balk, and oh, Velius. Velius, that one was beautiful!

"And then _you_ came along! You, and your cheap sword, and your skills that include all of mine, but that are twice as strong! I mean, come on, how can you do 400 damage with a freaking Stasis Sword? That's…_unfair._ You must have cheated somehow."

"So what?" retorted Orlandu. "No offence, but why is it my fault if you suck? I can't help it if I was the leader of the Nanten Knights. You shouldn't expect to be stronger when you were nothing more than a bodyguard, while you," pointing to Meliadoul, "were just some random idiot working for the church whose father was a demon."

"HEY!" screamed Meliadoul, her face turning beet red underneath her cowl. "I'm a Divine Knight! And don't insult Daddy!"

"Whatever. But anyways, I'm not going to apologize for being able to do the same things that you do a hundred times better, even if I made you all redundant."

Meliadoul looked like she wanted to skin Orlandu alive and feed his remains to Daddy's Zodiac form. But she tried to think of happy thoughts…Oh yes, flowers and bunnies and Izlude and her baking cookies together…and she managed to restrain herself from thrusting her Save the Queen into Orlandu's chest.

"You see," she began, trying and failing to hide the murderous glint in her eyes, "There's a natural order to things. We need a balanced party. For example, take me. I can destroy any enemy's equipment in one shot, _and_ do damage at the same time. Basically, I'm so fantastic that I have Break techniques that never miss. But the catch is that they don't work against monsters. You see? Balance. Ultimate power is kept in check."

"Like Meteor's charge time!" added Agrias. "Like Calculators' horrible stats!"

"Shut up," snapped Meliadoul, now irritated to the point that not even thoughts of rainbows or Izlude could comfort her.

"But _you_!" she spat. "No, you have _no_ balance, _no_ decent limitations! You can also break equipment…or you can drain HP or MP…or you can attack four guys at a time, for no MP or charge time, AND THEY ALL KILL THE ENEMY WITH ONE HIT. And is there any strategy involved? NOOOO! You just run around with your little Haste-y sword, and just do your Lightning-Stab here, and Lightning Stab there, ooh, and don't forget the occasional Holy Explosion, ALL OVER THE DAMN BATTLEFIELD! You've ripped off my abilities, and disturbed the natural order of things. Is that _justice_? Is that fair? NO, IT ISN'T, IT'S JUST CHEAP!" And at that point, Meliadoul was so furious that she let out a wail of disgust and kicked the tree beside her. She was shaking all over and her face was a bright scarlet. Her forest-green cowl was slipping off, revealing her dishevelled hair underneath, and she was out of breath.

Orlandu gaped at her, his jaw dropping. Even Agrias was slightly taken aback by her fellow warrior's outburst. She ventured a meek "What's wrong with Lightning Stab?", but Meliadoul's nasty glare in return made her shut up.

Finally, Orlandu spoke. "Whoa…I didn't realize you felt so strongly about this, but why are you two complaining, anyways? I mean, you're still in the party, but now you don't have to worry about crystallizing because our brilliant leader made you a Time Mage and sent you out unarmed to the front lines anymore."

"Oh, Cid, Cid, Cid," laughed Agrias coldly. "For an old man, you're quite naïve. Haven't you noticed that for the past while, the aforementioned leader has been running around to Goug Machine City on his ridiculous side quests?"

"So?"

"And didn't you notice that we've been having a few new…_additions_ lately?"

"You mean, like Beowulf and Worker 8, and that crazy dragon chick?"

"Exactly. And did you notice that Ramza's a rabid Final Fantasy VII fanboy?"

"_Off course_, but…"

"And don't you remember the epileptic spiky-haired guy who hopped out of that machine?"

"Where are you heading with this?

"Well, there are only sixteen spots on the roster. Fifteen are taken, with one extra spot reserved to breed the Uribo. When Cloud joins up, there'll be almost no room! So lately, Ramza's been trying to…trim the party down a bit." And at that, Agrias began to tremble a bit. "Not that...ha, ha, I'm worried about it, I mean…because I'm the best female character on the team…"

"HEY," shouted Meliadoul, who had regained her composure enough to follow the conversation. "I can break equipment!"

"But, you see, if I'm not…I mean, if _Mel_ and I are not totally essential to the team, then, well…Ramza might think that we're…ha, ha…expendable. Ridiculous, I know! But then again, he doesn't know that Cloud sucks. So if he doesn't have enough space, well…" She laughed uneasily.

"Then it's good-bye for us. And no more free roast chocobo," said Meliadoul, and they both shuddered. "And the church is out to kill us for betraying it. So if Ramza kicks us out..."

"I see…" said Orlandu, not sure what to say. "But don't worry, there's plenty of other dead weight on the team…"

"_Dead weight?_" shrieked Meliadoul. "What are you implying? But anyways, I thought that Ramza would respect our rank as special characters and only get rid of the monsters and the generics. But he's already let go of Malak and Mustadio, not to mention Lavian and Alicia."

"Though mind you, he kept Rad. Probably because he thought the name was cool. Go figure."

"_Do you mind?_" screamed Meliadoul at Agrias. "Twice you've interrupted me. But as I was saying, Ramza wants to keep Beowulf and Reis, just to see what they can do, so there's nothing standing between me and eviction."

There was a pause. Finally, Cidolfas spoke.

"What about Rafa?" he offered.

"No, the Deep Dungeon," sighed Agrias sadly. "She's the designated treasure-hunter because she's such a bloody coward."

"Oh." There was another awkward pause, as the two women exchanged knowing looks. Orlandu was pretty sure that this wouldn't go well. Was it just him, or did their glances keep darting back and forth from him to his sword? Finally, Agrias spoke again.

"So you see…we might have a _teeny bit_ of a problem. You understand, the…ahem, current situation can't work…so, ha ha ha, something must be done."

Now Orlandu _knew_ that this wouldn't go well. "Uh…if you'll excuse me, I'll just be…going…what…are you…doing…let go of me…" Agrias had grabbed a firm hold on his neck with one arm, and was holding his arms behind his back with the other.

"NOW, Mel," she screamed. With a mad grin on her face, Meliadoul raised her sword and bellowed, "Hellcry Punch!" Orlandu let out a wail as he saw his precious Excalibur crumble into pieces.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Meliadoul, her cowl now completely off and her brown hair flowing freely. "Now who's the dead weight, eh, Mr. Thunder God? I _told_ you all that my skills weren't worthless! JUSTICE IS SERVED! Agrias!"

"Lightning Stab! Which was _my_ move first, by the way!" With a savage glint in her normally cool eyes, Agrias cast her spell on the panel right in front of Orlandu. He let out a yelp as the current passed through him. She felt no sympathy whatsoever. "You like thunder, huh? Take THAT, you cheap bastard! Where is your All Swordskill now?"

"That's…unfair…I'm…unarmed…two against one…cheating!"

"Oh, cheating, is it? Have we beaten you at your own game? THIS IS FOR IZLUDE AND DADDY! Shellbust Stab!"

"This is for stealing our thunder, and for taking all the fun out of our battles. Crush Punch!"

"AAAARRRRRGGGHHH!"

* * *

"Teamwork!" 

Agrias and Meliadoul gave each other high-fives. Tired from their hard work, they sat down next to Orlandu's dead body, with satisfied expressions on their faces, neither of them saying a word. They felt something on their faces. Looking up, they saw that the storm clouds were now completely obscuring the sunset, and it had begun to drizzle.

"Beautiful weather," remarked Agrias casually.

"So, now that we've restored order and balance to the party, what do we do now?" asked Meliadoul.

"Ah, I don't know…we could always wait for him to turn into a crystal."

"Good idea." They waited some more. The rain was beginning to fall harder. "Mind you, since _I_ was the one who destroyed his sword and thus incapacitated him, I'm absorbing it."

At that, Agrias stood up. "_Excuse me_? Where did you get that idea?"

"Well, since _I_ did all the work…"

"What do you mean? My Holy Sword skills did much more damage than your Mighty Sword techniques."

"Oh _yeah_? If it weren't for me, Orlandu would have fried you with one Holy Explosion."

"You're just jealous because you know that if T.G. Cid were still here, you would be the first one booted off the team! I saved your ass, so I deserve that crystal."

"Well, it's not my fault that Ramza's too stupid to realize that I have great stats, and that you have shitty PA!"

At that point, Meliadoul realized that she had gone too far. Agrias' weak physical attack power was a sensitive spot for her. All throughout her military academy days, Agrias had been mercilessly teased by the other cadets for fighting like a girl. Even Ovelia, who would console her by saying that "the posture and technique were excellent", had secretly been embarrassed by her bodyguard's weak Lightning Stab.

"Oh my God, you did not just say that. Bitch, you're going down. Split Punch! And your father has no soul, so HA!"

"He does too have a soul, he's just misunderstood. Besides…your girlfriend's not a real princess. And she dumped you for some jerk who can do a better Lightning Stab than you. Icewolf Bite!"

"YOU LIE!" Agrias lunged for Meliadoul, wielding her Rune Blade.

Both of them were so enraged that they completely lost their heads, and instead of out-Skilling each other with their respective techniques, they began melee fighting. There was a clash of swords as each of them tried to slash the other one's throat. In the heat of the battle, they dropped their weapons, and began punching each other with their bare fists.

Ten clockticks later, they had somehow managed to roll halfway down the hill, both of them soaking wet and covered in mud. Agrias was sitting on top of Meliadoul and clawing her face, while Meliadoul was pulling Agrias' wet blond hair and kicking her. Suddenly…

"Mel, do you feel something…tingling?"

"Um…Agrias…"

They let out twin screams as they were both electrocuted.

* * *

Above them, standing on the top of the hill, Dorothy snickered. 

"Heh heh heh…Bolt 4, in the rain, with a thunder rod. Most excellent…" She stood there for a few minutes in silence, savouring the carnage below. The wizard's cloak was thoroughly drenched, but she took no notice.

From far, she heard someone calling out, "Orlandu!" She turned around. It was Ramza, running towards the hill. He was shielding his hair with his cloak, as it was now pouring.

"Oh, hello, Dorothy," he called out. "By any chance, did you see T.G. Cid anywhere? Agrias and Meliadoul said that they were going to look for him, but none of them have come back. I'm worried that they got caught in the storm."

"Oh," she whispered, in a soft, raspy voice. "I believe they said…that they were all leaving the party for…religious reasons." If Ramza thought that that explanation was suspect, particularly after he had spent four hours lowering Orlandu's Faith to 03, he didn't show it.

"Really? Well, that's too bad. And here I wanted to try making Agrias a Time Mage. Ah, well." He skipped along. "By any chance did Orlandu leave us his Excali- but, what are those?"

He gaped at the three crystals in front of them, and turned to Dorothy for an explanation.

"Monsters that were attempting to ambush our party. Do not worry; a quick Math-Skilled Flare dispatched them."

"Wow," said Ramza in a somewhat condescending voice, "you did that all by yourself, without my help? You're such a good girl." He patted the cloaked witch on her head. He started to run down the hill, braving the rain beating down on him, when he turned his head and said, "You know, as a reward, why don't you take one of the crystals for yourself?"

"It would be my pleasure," rasped Dorothy, her face obscured by the shadows of her sombrero. And as she watched Ramza gleefully slide down the muddy hill to get closer to the shiny objects, there was an evil gleam in her eye. "Suckers," she whispered. A loud thunderclap echoed. She walked towards the closest crystal–Orlandu's–and felt the warm surge of power as her depleted mana was replenished. The crystal's heat spread through her body, drying out her clothes and shielding her from the rain. As she headed back to the camp, she heard Ramza giddily call out, "Ooh, this monster had Equip Sword! Who would've thought?"

She knew how happy the others would be to hear the news. She hated people, and talking to them always drained her, but she wanted to share the story of her glorious triumph. They had all waited so long for this. Almost done, now. How many were there left, four? The Temple Knight, the robot, the dragon woman and the young girl. Not to mention the squire with the foolish name.

"Serves you all right," she said softly to herself. "For too long have you special characters stolen our thunder."

Even if someone had been watching her, they could not have seen how her heavy cloak masked the sly smile upon her face.

_-END-_

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AN: First of all, I hope you managed to get through the entire thing without giving up halfway. (This is what I did instead of studying for finals.) Anyways, that was my first fanfic. Yeah…and I'm sorry for all the corny jokes, although I actually cut out some of the worst ones; those of you who read the original will recall that there was a (shudder) "I Heart Sephiroth" T-shirt joke. I don't know what I was on that day. (By the way, ask someone who's played FF7 about "Off course"; they'll understand.) 

All of the generics were based on characters from my first game (although they didn't all have the same abilities that they do in the story). I'm sorry for being so mean to Ramza, and to…well, basically, to everyone besides Dorothy. But, like I said before, they're all either caricatured or completely out of character.

* * *

All right, when I first wrote this, I was surprised that people were actually reading it, let alone leaving feedback. So I wanted to show my gratitude to reviewers by addressing what everyone said in their comments. However, in hindsight, the ending author's notes weren't the best place to address them. It wasn't so much continuously updating the story to respond to new reviewers that was the problem; not only did the reviewer responses distract from the actual story, I don't think they're even allowed on this website anymore. If you never saw your response, you can e-mail me, but I doubt anyone cares. 

So to everyone who took the time to review, thank you :)! I really appreciate it.


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